Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a coupola copies of the WINDOWS XP/PROVIDENCE EDITION may have accidentally bin shipped outsida Providence. If ya got one a dese, you may need some help understandin' da commands.

Da Providence edition may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads:

"WINDAS XP," wit a background picture of Federal Hill. When you start da program, instead of da usual "harpy, stringy" music, you hear da theme from da Godfadda. It is also shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.

Please also note:

Recycle Bin is labeled "RI-ACI."

My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computa."

The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk."

Deleted Items are referred to as "Wacked," "Erased," or "Rubbed Out."

Dial up Networking is called "Da Bar."

Control Panel is known as the "Da Bosses."

Performin' an "illegal operation" is known as "enhancin' the family business" and will actually maximize da program instead of shuttin' it down.

Hard Drive is referred to as "Da I95 Rush Hour." (For you rednecks the I95 is the Providence-I95 Expressway, Providence's idea of a highway. With all the potholes it's more like a minefield.)

Instead of an error message a "You ain't gonna friggin' believe dis!" pops up.

CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN DA PROVIDENCE EDITION:

Meet My Cousin Vinnie

Click Here!

OK...........Sure ting
Cancel......Fugeddaboutit
Reset........Start Ova
Yes..........Yeah
No............Nah
Find..........Put a contract out on
Browse.....Get a looksee
Back.........U toin
Help..........(Ain't available-yous don't need no stinkin' help)
Stop..........Knock it off
Start..........Move it!
Settings.....Here's d' Rules

Also note dat any voice recognition software run on da PROVIDENCE EDITION platform don't recognize da letter "R."

Some programs and udder accessories dat are exclusive to WINDAS XP:

Typa................A word processin' program

Printa...............Printer

Calculata..........Calculator

Solitare.............Seven Card Stud

We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of da PROVIDENCE EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version.

Yous got a problem wit dat?

BILL ("4 eyes") GATES